The Void

Im tired, so tired but i cannot sleep im free falling in darkness, surrounded by chaos consumed by anxiety, happy one moment, destroyed the next My body and mind has always been my prison threatening to end me as i lay naked and cold on the cement floor The void i have become you can not fill, you can not fix me, i am beyond repair stop trying to make me happy, please let me be Im empty so empty, its all i have known, maybe within that i find a sick sense of comfort and crude 'happiness' I dont deserve love or to be happy, i am tainted, broken, i will tarnish you, pull you down i know how to love someone, and to love them is to ultimately push them away I find every reason it is wrong to get them out of my head once they have delved too deep into my depths I am a bad person inside, i feel i am so ugly, so unworthy, so worthless, so isolated from within the depths of my soul i call out for help only to turn on those who will offer it there have been fleeting moments i have felt complete, a sense of happiness and peace those moments never last, i shred those feelings to pieces i dont deserve to have them My abyss is where i lie in wait, in cold and empty silences so i may mercelesly attack any feeling that is unwelcome How i hate to be happy, i will never be worthy...